Dear family,
I hope yinz enjoy this newsletter I printed and mailed out with the Christmas cards this year. (Ink costs an arm and a leg!) Even though we just saw each other last Sunday for the Steeler tailgate party/Gina’s baby shower, I wanted to put an end to 2024 with a new tradition.
If you are reading this, Merry Christmas—but if any of yinz read this letter to Tony who hasn’t apologized yet for shushing me during the thanksgiving toast, you might as well pitch this in the rubbish because you have to pick a side!
There was much sadness this year as we said goodbye to Great Aunt Sophia who almost made it to 100. Darin, her devoted son and mechanic, said the transmission blew somewhere around 95mph when she flipped her vintage corvette into a ravine near East Brady’s horseshoe bend.
By the way, one of you needs to step up and take her mouthy cockatiel. Aunt Sophia wants Pavarotti kept in the family, and I’ve had him since October.
On a lighter note, our novenas have been answered. Cousin Lola has found success. After years of peddling her wares at various church basement craft fairs, I am proud to say her Etsy shop is up and running. Cousin Lola’s macrame dream catchers can be found at Dego Dreams. com (in no way affiliated with the Sicilian porno site.)
Also, Uncle Lenny’s sciatica cleared up just in time for his bypass scheduled in late January, so one of you will have to volunteer to make the braciole for the Super Bowl this year because his wife and stepdaughters are Lithuanian and can’t be trusted with beef.
While we’re on the subject, one of you has my meat tenderizer from when we pounded the veal for the Steeler’s vs. Cleveland game, and I want it back. I’m not saying it was intentional, but I bought it at Williams Sonoma and if it quietly makes its way back to my kitchen drawer, second from the bottom near the stove, then no questions will be asked.
In a tight-knit family like ours, it is easy to get caught up in trivial day-to-day goings on that don’t matter much in the grand scheme of things. So, let me close this end of the year letter with a few positive thoughts and what I’m looking forward to in 2025.
I’m thankful cousin Gina is having a baby girl, and I can’t wait to welcome her into the family – I know she wants to name it after Kevin’s mother but—Josephine? Who names a baby Josephine...or was it Georgine? Poor girl, she’s either going to be George or Joe. Let’s just hope she doesn’t have colic like Tony’s kids.
You can tell him I said that last part.
I’m looking forward to watching the Steelers spank the Chiefs in front of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce's Mom on Christmas day, which reminds me—whoever has me in the grab bag, I’d like a meat tenderizer from Williams Sonoma.
Merry Christmas, God bless the pope and go Steelers!
Aunt Theresa Marie
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